- Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
- Friends: Don't forget to socialize
- Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
- Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
- Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
- Society: Don't forget to be perfect
- Tumblr: Fuck the world, they're peasants. At least you haven't murdered somebody today
- Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.
This weak has been living hell for me. Everything that could go wrong did. And the one person who should stand my side and be there with me through it all wasn’t. He rarely responded and when I told him that I needed him or wanted him there he blew it off. He disappeared when I needed him. Which pissed me off even more, which didn’t help my already horrible situation. Sometimes I feel like I care about him, more than he cares about me. I am always there helping him when he needs me. But when I need him, he is no where to be found or tells me that he is too busy. That is not okay. I want to show him how it feels to be ignored, blown off, when he needs my help. I have done so much for him and this is how he treats me when I want the same level of care and appreciation. I really want to say ‘F you’ cause that is basically what he is telling me. He just simply doesn’t care. Every time I tell him that I need his help he gives me some bullshit reason for why he can’t or just doesn’t respond. That is not fair. I am not going to bend over backwards to help someone who isn’t going to return the favor when I expect it. I am a naturally caring person, and I will always help someone no matter what but I am always shown the same courtesy from them. I just want to disappear, I don’t want to have to do what I think I should do. I do care for him a lot and I love him. He is very special to me, and I want him in my life. But if he isn’t going to show me that he cares about me then I don’t think we will work out in at the end of the day. I just feel lost right now because I don’t know what to do about anything any more. I usually am a strong independent person, who knows how to handle everything that is thrown at her. And here I am in uncharted territory scared out of her mind and doesn’t know what to do, or how to handle the situation. I just want to kick and scream and cry and have someone else deal with it or tell me what to do. I just want to go home and curl up in bed and sleep and wish everything away and re-access the situation later.
Recently I have just been down in the dumps.I have had no motivation to get anything done, feeling as if it is just useless to even try to figure it out. I just have given up. I have started wondering if college is worth it. If what I think I want is really what I truly want. I just don’t know where to turn or who to go to. I just feel lost. I can’t get in contact with anyone I would usually go to because I don’t have a phone. I have basically given up, and that sickens me. This isn’t me. I don’t just give up, I have always been a fighter. And here I am wanting to call it quits. Which makes me even more sad and feeling depressed. I don’t like who I am turning into…I don’t feel like me. I feel disconnected from who I truly am. I feel like the real me is back there some where…just lost. I need help pulling her out and getting me out of this mind set because is it killing me slowly. I need change and quickly. I really want to go sit on the beach and just ponder life and reconnect with myself. And sadly it is pouring outside. Great metaphor for how I am feeling…stuck in a downpour of negative emotion. A lot of stuff has gone down recently and I guess it has just been building up inside me and it just exploded all of a sudden. Now I just have to reign it all in and pull myself together. Such is my life.
Page 1 of 31